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One Sentence Letters
Ever wanted to write a short letter to something that could never respond?
9.25.2010
Dear High School Me,
Tip more!
Seriously,
Me
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at least with audiobooks I can listen while I do other things
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dog paws
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don't you think I'd change the battery if I had a new one
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hot water never wants to shower as long as I do
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HOV
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how are you beeping with no battery?
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How to use literally correctly
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Huckleberry Finn
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I actually like the smell of dog paws so I was pleasantly surprised
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I bet you're so pissed at the city that usurped your title
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I can hang out in buildings all day and nobody asks me to leave
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I can't take you anywhere
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I didn't know any better
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I do concede however that it is annoying when a band you've liked for ages makes it big an then everyone else knows about them
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I have no problem with you liking tea it's just not for me
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I probably wasn't going to buy your trinkets anyway
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I really only follow this rule in cafeterias
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I told you so
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I want my time back
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I wish I could say the same for you pasta and udon soup
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I wouldn't even be up right now if it was for you
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I'd be happiest if I never heard from you again
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I'd never apologize to metal for anything ever
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I'd prefer you pick brown but we both know that won't happen
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I'll even do it when I'm not even going to use it
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I'll feel even worse when I hear about you going out of business
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I'll just hit snooze a few dozen more times
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I'm a toys R us kid
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If i bought a cat it'd still be alive when I turn 40 and I am so not ready for that
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If I tattooed almost anything I liked on myself even 10 years ago I'd hate myself for it now
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If I'm not famous yet you can't be either
(1)
In my defense nobody I knew when I was little listened to classic rock
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In retrospect I feel bad
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internet
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is peexting a thing?
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It probably wouldn't have been that fun anway
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It was my stomach I swear
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It's always frustrating when people don't listen but then again I rarely listen
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It's still tea therefore I don't like it
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Lady Gaga
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Lost
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me
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My mom doesn't pick out my pants like she did when I was in grade school
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my own special road
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No really I don't like tea
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no thanks
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nobody can hear me flush unlike the phone
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not gay
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Not that I need my sperm right now
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Nothing against you I have gay friends I just don't swing that way
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Nothing in fridge can me made in less than 2 minutes? STARVE
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Now what am I supposed to do?
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Oh you think that might look good on me? I'll be the judge of that
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Once (and again and again and again) upon a time
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One of the few pleasures I derive from driving
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ostrich
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see you in my dreams
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should I be proud or ashamed when I win?
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should I have ended that sentence with a question mark?
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Shrek
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Silverware
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sleep
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Smart lights aren't even new
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smells
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sometimes it just feels right to end a sentence with a preposition
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sometimes it's annoying waking up though
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sometimes you want to pay more
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Sorry if I can't do your incredibly complicated 12-part secret handshake exactly right the first time
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Soulmate
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sperm
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Sponges
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Star Wars
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starting over
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steering wheel cover
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Stop being cheap
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stop telling me what to think
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Storm Trooper
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stuff I can't talk intelligently about
(1)
stupid things to be proud of
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Submission
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tattoos
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Taylor Swift
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tea
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teleportation
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Tempe Arizona
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texting
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thank God I don't drink
(1)
That is just way too cheap
(1)
The only way I could think that this might work is if you had a really catchy jingle
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The state of the world is just too depressing
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The worst part is when whatever chat program you're using replaces the text version with the yellow smiley
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There is absolutely no reason to have pubes
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they just don't taste right unless they're burned anymore
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things I won't stop but should
(1)
Things I would only post at 5 am
(1)
Things that scare me
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Things were not the same after that
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This is why I rarely feel the need to wash you
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Thursday night off ≠ Saturday night off
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time travel
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tipping
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toaster oven
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toilet paper
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too old for ink
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top 40
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Two Headed Boy
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Typos
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undesirable
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unibrow
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Unwanted attention
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Up until my early 20s you were fine
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valentines day
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video games come to mind as well as friends
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Viral Marketing
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Voice Mail
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waste of money
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we don't eat chicken either
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what are you guys wasting your time on?
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What do we call the decade from 2000-2010?
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what kind of person actually wants to be a politician
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What's a *insert embarrassing typo here*?
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who cares
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Why doesn't life listen to you
(1)
Why don't you grow symmetrically either it really bugs me
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Wii
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You even made me make up the word loathfully
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You make me feel a little dirty whenever I let you do that to me
(1)
You're like a little brick of bacteria and you smell like it
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You're thinking of a pescatarian
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