Quit wasting time and connect with the rest of my beard already!
Your loving friend,
Me
Showing posts with label beard. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beard. Show all posts
6.03.2010
Dear Mustache,
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Ever wanted to write a short letter to something that could never respond?
Labels
- advice (2)
- Aging (1)
- alcohol (1)
- also try showering (1)
- also you're really hard to put back on (1)
- analogies (1)
- And now that I've proved my point (1)
- And now you know my secret — damn (1)
- angry stomach (2)
- annoying (1)
- anorexic coma (1)
- anything made from the flesh of any dead animal is meat (1)
- apology (1)
- apologyology (1)
- appetite (1)
- As much as I'd like to believe it my intelligence is insulted when you lie (1)
- At least not for a while (1)
- at least with audiobooks I can listen while I do other things (1)
- Aww and I didn't get you anything (1)
- beard (1)
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- dog paws (1)
- Don't even get me started on Facebook (1)
- don't talk to me I'm sleeping (1)
- Don't you have a GED to study for? (1)
- Don't you have other ways to make me want to see the next episode? (1)
- don't you think I'd change the battery if I had a new one (1)
- dream (2)
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- glaring typos don't seem like something a reputable company would let slip by (1)
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- hot water never wants to shower as long as I do (1)
- HOV (1)
- how are you beeping with no battery? (1)
- How to use literally correctly (1)
- Huckleberry Finn (1)
- I actually like the smell of dog paws so I was pleasantly surprised (1)
- I bet you're so pissed at the city that usurped your title (1)
- I can hang out in buildings all day and nobody asks me to leave (1)
- I can't take you anywhere (1)
- I didn't know any better (1)
- I do concede however that it is annoying when a band you've liked for ages makes it big an then everyone else knows about them (1)
- I have no problem with you liking tea it's just not for me (1)
- I probably wasn't going to buy your trinkets anyway (1)
- I really only follow this rule in cafeterias (1)
- I told you so (1)
- I want my time back (1)
- I wish I could say the same for you pasta and udon soup (1)
- I wouldn't even be up right now if it was for you (1)
- I'd be happiest if I never heard from you again (1)
- I'd never apologize to metal for anything ever (1)
- I'd prefer you pick brown but we both know that won't happen (1)
- I'll even do it when I'm not even going to use it (1)
- I'll feel even worse when I hear about you going out of business (1)
- I'll just hit snooze a few dozen more times (1)
- I'm a toys R us kid (1)
- If i bought a cat it'd still be alive when I turn 40 and I am so not ready for that (1)
- If I tattooed almost anything I liked on myself even 10 years ago I'd hate myself for it now (1)
- If I'm not famous yet you can't be either (1)
- In my defense nobody I knew when I was little listened to classic rock (1)
- In retrospect I feel bad (1)
- internet (2)
- is peexting a thing? (1)
- It probably wouldn't have been that fun anway (1)
- It was my stomach I swear (1)
- It's always frustrating when people don't listen but then again I rarely listen (1)
- It's like shopping me has no idea what I actually will take the time to make (1)
- it's not the 70's anymore (1)
- It's still tea therefore I don't like it (1)
- Job (2)
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- late late night snack (1)
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- lol at English "rules" (1)
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- music (3)
- Music I'd be embarrassed to admit I listened to (1)
- Mustache (1)
- my body (8)
- My mom doesn't pick out my pants like she did when I was in grade school (1)
- my own special road (1)
- My stomach — the betrayer (1)
- mysteries (1)
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- Nintendo (1)
- No game (1)
- No really I don't like tea (1)
- no thanks (1)
- nobody can hear me flush unlike the phone (1)
- not gay (2)
- Not that I need my sperm right now (1)
- Nothing against you I have gay friends I just don't swing that way (1)
- Nothing in fridge can me made in less than 2 minutes? STARVE (1)
- Now what am I supposed to do? (1)
- Oh you think that might look good on me? I'll be the judge of that (1)
- Once (and again and again and again) upon a time (1)
- One of the few pleasures I derive from driving (1)
- ostrich (1)
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- pubes (1)
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- refrigerator (1)
- regrettable sex (1)
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- rinsing in freezing water (1)
- Rock Star Favorite (1)
- science fails us yet again (1)
- see you in my dreams (1)
- Sellout (1)
- Seriously we don't (1)
- Seriously? (5)
- sheets (1)
- shopping (3)
- shortcut (1)
- should I be proud or ashamed when I win? (1)
- should I have ended that sentence with a question mark? (1)
- Shrek (1)
- Silverware (1)
- sleep (1)
- Smart lights aren't even new (1)
- smells (1)
- sometimes it just feels right to end a sentence with a preposition (1)
- sometimes it's annoying waking up though (1)
- sometimes you want to pay more (1)
- Sorry if I can't do your incredibly complicated 12-part secret handshake exactly right the first time (1)
- Soulmate (1)
- sperm (1)
- Sponges (1)
- Star Wars (1)
- starting over (1)
- steering wheel cover (1)
- Stop being cheap (1)
- stop telling me what to think (1)
- Storm Trooper (1)
- stuff I can't talk intelligently about (1)
- stupid things to be proud of (1)
- Submission (1)
- tattoos (1)
- Taylor Swift (1)
- tea (1)
- teleportation (1)
- Tempe Arizona (1)
- texting (2)
- thank God I don't drink (1)
- That is just way too cheap (1)
- The only way I could think that this might work is if you had a really catchy jingle (1)
- The state of the world is just too depressing (1)
- The worst part is when whatever chat program you're using replaces the text version with the yellow smiley (1)
- There is absolutely no reason to have pubes (1)
- they just don't taste right unless they're burned anymore (1)
- things I won't stop but should (1)
- Things I would only post at 5 am (1)
- Things that scare me (1)
- Things were not the same after that (1)
- This is why I rarely feel the need to wash you (1)
- Thursday night off ≠ Saturday night off (1)
- time travel (1)
- tipping (1)
- toaster oven (1)
- toilet paper (1)
- too old for ink (1)
- top 40 (1)
- Two Headed Boy (1)
- Typos (1)
- undesirable (1)
- unibrow (1)
- Unwanted attention (1)
- Up until my early 20s you were fine (1)
- valentines day (1)
- video games come to mind as well as friends (1)
- Viral Marketing (1)
- Voice Mail (1)
- waste of money (1)
- we don't eat chicken either (1)
- what are you guys wasting your time on? (1)
- What do we call the decade from 2000-2010? (1)
- what kind of person actually wants to be a politician (1)
- What's a *insert embarrassing typo here*? (1)
- who cares (1)
- Why doesn't life listen to you (1)
- Why don't you grow symmetrically either it really bugs me (1)
- Wii (1)
- You even made me make up the word loathfully (1)
- You make me feel a little dirty whenever I let you do that to me (1)
- You're like a little brick of bacteria and you smell like it (1)
- You're thinking of a pescatarian (1)
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